Rose Nylon

The other day, Dorothy was standing in the middle of the kitchen trying to remember something. Now, as you may know, I may not be able to remember all the right words, but I know what I mean. Well, she sat down on a stool and started to frown. Thinking I might be able to help her jog her memory, I asked "What are you trying to remember?"

Well, the next thing you know, before I can clarify what I meant, Sophia is about to fall off her chair laughing. For the next five minutes I was left red faced and sputtering, desperate to explain. Every time I opened my mouth, though, it would set Sophia off yet again. I swear, that woman is going to laugh herself to death.

Is such a thing possible, do you think?

Well, I finally got out that I was trying to say "Is it something you meant to do, something you wanted to eat, or something that needed to be take care of?" Of course, they didn't believe me for one minute. Now, I know I have a reputation for being a bit slow on the uptake, but their opinion now is totally unjustified.

Since then, I've been avoiding them a little. Just to show that they hurt my feelings, but not cause any pain in return. Some times, people need to think before they speak, or in the girls cases, react.

Lately, I've been a little behind in my routine. Nothing wrong with, I am getting a little older. But, this time, I'm not quite bouncing back the way I used to.

Perhaps I've just reached a point where I am no longer capable of it.

But that doesn't mean I won't knock you on your fanny, Barbra! Bring it on, sister, I've been working those lanes for a good sixty-five years! You and your bowling cronies won't stand a chance against me and my girls! We may be older than you by fifty years, but that only means we've got more experience.

The other day, I was out weeding the flower garden when I noticed something strange. There were more weeds than flowers in our garden, but that isn't the strange thing. The strange part was the type of weeds they were.

First off, let me explain a little to set the mood.

You see, the house I live in has an around the house garden, and a garden inside the walled area of the back porch. We rarely ever go out there to the walled garden, but as we can see it through the glass doors, upkeep is something we strive for. Flowers are the preferred plants because they are so pretty.

Well, now back to my story.

I was out there with my white gloves on, and hat. It was a glorious day out, the sun was shining, but the clouds were there to offset the heat. Birds were chirping, a squirrel in the tree behind the house was chewing on nuts. Bees were going from flower to flower, kissing them good morning!

But right there, smack dab in the middle of my flowers, were these ugly dark green weeds. With long, jagged leaves and prickly looking new growth, it was the most hideous thing I had seen since Melvin Popould came running out of Blanche's bedroom in a lace teddy with his butt on fire. And the smell, oh, it was like some cats had been using the bathroom there! Well, since I hadn't planted it, and I thought none of the other girls would have, the birds must have eaten the seeds of something and crapped them out.

I know no one else could have done it because the garden is walled in on all sides. Well, I suppose someone could have climbed up with a ladder, but who would want to plant weeds in some ladies' flower garden?

Anywho, there I was, doing my darnedest to pull these weeds. You would not believe the devil of a root on those things. But, eventually, I got them out! It cost me my gloves, though. The plants had the worst texture, like stinging nettles.

Well, that done, I had to get rid of them. Since city ordinances prevent burning of trash and plant matter, I had to bag them up. They smelled even worse laying dying on the ground after I had pulled them, so I made quick work of them.

Thankfully, it was recycling day for plant material. That's why I had chosen to pull weeds that day after all. By the time I was finished, I heard the green truck pulling up to the curb out front. I had to rush out there with my weeds, leaving quite the mess on the paved porch. There was so little time, I hadn't even been able to tie up the bag like I was supposed to.

Well, as I rushed out the front door, I signaled the nice young man on the truck that I had weeds. I was so busy apologizing before I even reached him for the lack of ties that I tripped. Thankfully, he caught me before I could fall. Unfortunately, the bag came open and scattered those stinky weeds across the lawn.

I'll have you know, that nice young man not only made sure I was okay, but he also picked up all those weeds. I thanked him and apologized once more for not having a twisttie. He told me it was no problem, he had one in the truck he would put on it later. Putting it in the cab, he thanked me and they were on their way.

That done, I went out back and cleaned up the mess I had made weeding the garden. I thought that was the end of it.

It wasn't until a day later that Sophia came in angry as I had ever seen her. Well, through much discussion, mostly in Italian, I think, she told me that those stinky weeds were hers. I had been wrong, the birds hadn't planted them in my flowers.

I tried explaining that they were weeds, but Sophia told me no duh, and called me dim witted moron. She started to yell at me some more, and this drew the other girls from the kitchen. Then suddenly I had to defend my actions to everyone.

When Dorothy found out about Sophia's weeds, well, I don't need to really say all the things she said. Needless to say, Sophia won't be tending garden for a while. Which is a good thing, because while she likes weeds, I don't. I much prefer my flowers!

I've been wondering about something lately, and it's gotten to the point where it's keeping me up at night.

Why do dogs lick their butts?

I mean, it's so disgusting, and there are a lot of germs in there. I've grown up with dogs, and I've loved them so very much. But I have never quite understood their fascination with licking their rear ends. Does it taste good to them, I wonder?

Blanche has another date.

The third one this week.

I think if she keeps this up, she'll develop a reputation.

Oh, not that kinda reputation. She'll proudly admit that. No, this is something even she is stigmatized about.

Anyone know what a Cougar is? I wish I didn't.

Yesterday morning, Estelle Getty lost the battle with her illness. She was 84.

All my love, sweet angel. You will be missed.

You know, I've grown up in a Norwegian/Swedish family all my life. There are many, many things that I know about that no one else outside of St. Olaf does. The same can be said of people outside of St. Olaf. That is, they know lots of things I don't.

So, it should come as no surprise, but I find myself completely and utterly out my depth.

It all started a couple weeks ago. Dorothy and Sophia were watching this mystery on tv and I was just passing through to get me a glass of milk. Well, Dorothy told her mother some character on it was just a red herring. This struck me as very odd.

You see, as a Lyndstrom, I know all about herring. My grand parents were herring fishers, they caught every type of herring there is. From pickled to peeked, there isn't a single way to cook them I haven't heard of. I've eaten herring all my life, one of my favorite dishes is smoked herring kephrden. In fact, I use to have a pet herring!

And yet, I didn't know what a Red Herring was. Well, rather than appear the fool about something I've professed to be an expert by asking them, I've bitten my tongue. Now, I've come online to seek out answers.

Can anybody explain to me what a Red Herring is?

I do apologize for not having updated recently.

You see, I have been awfully busy at work lately and there hasn't been much of a chance to get on. But, I am here now and I am ready to begin exploring the world of the internet with you once more.

I think I will begin traveling first, see a few sites, then come here and tell you about it. You can share your memories or even join me there! Doesn't that sound like fun?

Until next time, Goughflukyerselph! That's Munchkin for Have a nice day! Thanks to that lovely little man I met on My Space for that!

I think I have found the ruler of Soddom!

Tila Tequila. There are just no words. Oh dear lord! Eat pig vaginas just to prove their love for her? I can't... Oh, my. Oh. It's just.

Oh my god!

Wow, there is such a wonderful variety of people out there. It's hard to believe that such a place exists. Yet, here I am! I can't tell you how excited I am to be here. Can you just imagine, all the things I can do now! I look forward to being friends with everyone here!